"Judge Not, That Ye be Not Judged"

Matt, 7:1

 Please see HAITI link to the right of this post>>>

The weary weekend began on Friday evening as I attended a memorial service for a beloved member of the community.  Standing room only as we listened to Coltrane being played in the background...waiting to hear words that would break our hearts and hoping to hear a word to lift our spirits, from people who knew him much better than I did. A slight wave of relief reverberated through the air as certain speakers spoke of grief being a different experience for everyone and the difficulty  in letting go when death is of a violent nature. Slight relief.

My thoughts...

Certain people live on this earth, some for shorter a period than others...to make an impact with their lives and through their death.  And when they go,  they leave us with a longing to become more like them.  Wanting to be a better person for knowing them and in losing them. I left the memorial with only a tiny sense of relief...and some hope that I might use my heart wisely and fulfill some of my heart's desires by using my brain...and the gifts bestowed upon me that need both to manifest.  Heart & Mind.    "Write, write, write", he said. 

"I am...I am...I am."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paralleling this Memorial event, I was met with an odd challenge of the heart & brain.  As I was reminded of another Memorial. This time it was the knowledge,  that a memorial structure that was built 5 years ago to commemorate a dear, dear friend...was being dismantled.  {Inside info: A few weeks ago I had a dream that I walked into the room at the church where this memorial was installed...and as I turned to see it...it was not there.  I exclaimed in my dream..."It's gone, the heart is gone...they took it away. WHY?"
I woke up hearing "The heart is gone. The heart is gone."

The words were layered with so many different meanings that my head was spinning "OK...this is apparently symbolic"}

Ha. So much for trying to ride the wave of denial on the "symbolic' surfboard. Because indeed the HEART structure that went missing...was removed by somebody or several somebody's that were "advised" that it needed to go.  Perhaps...because this certain church was in the process of electing a new minister and thus...the memory of a past minister was just too much. Maybe it took up too much space...(on this one wall, in this one room of a rather large complex),  Too intimidating, maybe? Maybe in their ALL-KNOWING-ness they concluded that it did not inspire people anymore.  OK...it's all dried up...time is up!!!

WHAT? 

IT WAS A MEMORIAL FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!!!!!!  

OK...apparently, I am the one that is amiss here...because I just DO NOT GET IT. Hey, sure...he was a DEAR friend...but honestly I rarely visit that place anymore...except for an occasional event...so it is not actually affecting ME in that way...and yet, I wonder if there may be some parishioners who DID occasionally need that heart-reminder so they could continue to be a better person.  And THAT was the original intent of this HEART...it was indeed VERY symbolic and carefully created and implemented to remember AND inspire. Did those in power come to the conclusion that a clean sweep was  needed?  Did it seem like a progressive move to obliterate anything that might tweak some inspiration from the past.  Do pesky memories like this just clog the pipeline to the future? Yes, that's the ticket (!)...to making "a success" of this 'church business' !!!!

(please feel free to insert major sarcasm).

 So...I guess this is how you UN-memorialize someone. I cannot say that I have been able to come up with any profound revelations regarding this event.

He doesn't care.  He laughs. (And obviously knew that I would find this odd...and sent me 'heads up' via the dream. Symbolic & literal).

And all I can do is simply roll my eyes and shake my head.

"What is wrong with them"?

Better yet....

What is wrong with me?

OK, I'll tell you what's wrong with me.  In MY opinion, often...my thought process, my ideas, my insights & observations... seem to make sense.   

"Whoa..".~one blog reader says to another.."She IS getting full of herself, isn't she"?~

Well, think what you will.  Because honestly... "making sense", in my opinion...  is a flaw.  It hasn't much of a place in the workings of the world right now. Even in my small corner of the world,  sense seems...well, senseless. 

It's a heavy burden.

God, please have mercy on my wretched little soul.

Moving right along....

I sit. I think. I pray that I may become a better person.