September 12, 2008

As many of you know..I LOVE WORDS. Writing for me has always been a creative pursuit and a cathartic practice . Whether it has been short articles for my email lessons...writing for this BLOG, blurbs for classes I have taught or personal communication...I value the use of language. I honor our human ability to communicate with words. And now that I am actually writing my first book, I am faced with some interesting challenges. It is difficult at times to gather my thoughts in a way that would be clearly understood by just anybody.... so I don't worry too much about that. I have never tried to appeal to the 'masses"...why start now? :-) Though, I have caught myself thinking what a challenge it is to write about a certain experience in descriptive, accurate words that even the 'interested readers' may be able to 'relate' to...making the 'stories' more digestible. But, what is it that really concerns me with that thought? Perhaps... "Who in their right mind will believe any of this stuff,,,and WHO cares, anyway?" They are true stories... and while one of my fears of writing in general has been not wanting to sound egotistical or like I am tooting some kind of metaphysical horn...or trying to 'prove' something...I have decided that ....after the book is written, it is just NOT my business anymore, is it? I am simply stating facts. Relating some events that I have witnessed and/or experienced. And how people actually take in what I have tried to communicate in a (hopefully) succinct manner ...does not matter. It is then...out of my hands. I am just the messenger. Shouldn't I be used to that by now? (OK, well...putting it all on paper can seem like a horse of different color...) Also, as I mentioned to a friend recently...how I tend to be a perfectionist. And spending hours on a couple little pixels on the screen or an afternoon with a stray strand of sticky fiber from handmade paper on art board.... well, that obsessiveness could translate into spending DAYS on one sentence. "THIS BOOK COULD TAKE FOREVER", I exclaimed! I have discovered too that MEMORY is a funny thing. As I peruse the old files in the hard disk of this old brain...I am amazed to find more and more details that I had either not thought about in a long time or that may have never occurred to me, in the first place. For instance...not only did the woman that I saw sitting on a neighbor's patio have a sixties style 'house dress' on...but she also donned a very 'vintage' style hair do...that COULD have been a clue at the time...that she was not a live person. ( Oops, too much information..but you get the point.) So, because more details are coming through...and with them a deeper insight...I am taking it as a sign that it is the perfect time that I write all this stuff down...so... why not a book?! Then there are the emotions. Emotions that have crept in...even in areas where I really thought I had a grip... little niggling jots of sadness, awe, excitement, bewilderment, resentment...great joy...nudge me me when I least expect it. I suppose that to a certain point one must re-live certain events on some level, to illustrate a story clearly...even more 'artistically accurate' if you will. (Glad I have a fair amount of 'hud(z)spah' to get me through this. :-0 ) And another thing. Writing it all down does NOT mean that now... I have all the answers...that it all makes perfect sense...that there are no blanks to fill in. There is still quite the mystery surrounding much of what I am writing about. Story by story the embracing of the mystery of it all...is truly helping me to write in an honest and open way, not having to make any certain point or dissect any occurrence to find the...bottom line. There IS no bottom line. I am not writing a text book...I do not have to prove anything. I'm just talkin' on paper for goodness sake! Whew...what a relief it is as I figure (present tense). that out. Lastly...writing short articles or letters or personal communications in palatable spurts, not in 'book' form is an easier task, of course. Not having to string anything together really...not having to have some kind of OBVIOUS pattern...or chronological order of events. So, I have opted to let the book flow in the same manner. Not necessarily in a linear order....but in some kind of divine order of their own...as though the stories are "writing themselves". No order as we know it...no bottom line...words with a mind of their own swirling around in timelessness. Yet...now and then a shadowy connectedness sneaks up 'beside' me and moves through me, when I am distracted by something seemingly unrelated. Hence...the title of the book: PARALLEL LIVES. At first, it was just a chapter title...appropriately named for a specific story...but..I soon realized it pretty much sizes it up. So what are my revelations after weeks of constant internal rambling about the writing of my first book???? I just need to get over myself . All I can do is: ~Write the way I talk/communicate with people that know me. ( OK, I will try to keep my run on sentences in check :-.) ~Write the way I talk to only MYSELF. ~Write as if no one will ever read it. ~Write as though everyone in the world will read it. ~Write as if it is all very important since each and every word, action and event has helped shape my life, so.... it could change everyone else's too! ~Write as if NONE of it matters at all.....in any way....... whatsoever and will be of no benefit to anyone, at any time... for any reason...ever. ~Just write. So..at least now...I have a plan. :-) Writing is an empowering endeavor and at the same time the most humbling. It is allowing me further detachment from my most superficial perfectionist idea of myself, while diving into my deepest, truest heart. "I am writing a book"...is transmuting into..."this book is being written". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NOTE: MUSIC as prayer......I was moved to include the following music video on this weeks post. More than just an "oldie", for sure. Just trying to keep it light and send some good vibes through the world/universe wherever it is most needed. (Your friends are thinking about you, Kai.)